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• 

  Waiting it out? Was I really?

  • 15 Feb 2012
  • Posted by NikNak47

  Someone recently told me, two ways to get through a breakup, you can either wait it out or push through it, and that got me to thinking.
  
  I would strongly say, YES I AM....but have I been really?
  ...

  Someone recently told me, two ways to get through a breakup, you can either wait it out or push through it, and that got me to thinking.
  
  I would strongly say, YES I AM....but have I been really?
  
  I had just landed a new job the month I was forced to make decisions about my future, my marriage, my children, where I would live, what furniture I could take with me, (it's so funny how simple things like having a mattress to sleep on become important all the sudden).
  
  I lost my home, changed jobs, became an instant empty nester, friends suddenly distanced themselves from me (the ones who'd known all along), and I was a woman in major crisis maritally within 1 months time. Quite frankly I was a mess.
  
  How did I do it you ask? I don't know. I just kept getting up every morning. I tried not to look to far ahead, and I desperately tried to escape what had transpired. I basically 'sheltered in place'.
  
  Thats what you do when the catastrophie strikes, or the alarms sound off that impending doom is about to happen. You shelter in place.
  
  I wanted OUT. I wanted out of my head, I wanted out of my city, I wanted it all to just dissapear. MOST of ALL....I just wanted to go home, I wanted to feel loved and safe. It was definite agony.
  
  I still just kept getting up every morning and showing up for work. I still showered every moring, I still got hungry, I still felt tired late in the evening. Life kept going.
  
  I moved a total of 4 times while I was in that city. From home to a friends spare bedroom, from spare bedroom to an apartment (alone), from that apartment to another apartment closer to my childrens school (son moved in w/ me).
  
  I did fantastic at the new job. I actually decorated my little apartment, a little bit. I refinanced my car in my name only, I secured my own banking needs, my own insurance needs, my own investment needs, everything on my own, I didn't want anything from anybody. I also made the crucial step of filing for divorce, on my own.
  
  I ran into them at a an intersection one day....I won't lie, I flipped them off. Childish I know, but I was angry. That was the point at which I knew I couldn't stay, too many memories and I obviously couldn't handle it as an adult should. So I moved AGAIN, got a great new job on the east coast. My dream job....I had a "Finally Divorced Sale" and sold or threw out virtually everything. Called the movers, set my start date, and traveled 2000+ miles alone to start over. So thats what I did.
  
  Fast forward one year....I loved my position and did fantastic once again. I was so humbled by their appreciation of me and my work. I hated living on the east coast. It's beautiful, don't get me wrong, and I had some pretty interesting first there....like catching and taking my first Bass off the line all by myself...I really like fishing now btw. I made friends, and I made a life long friend too. My position however, was suddenly up up in the air (government budget cuts). So I applied for and got a job on the west coast.
  
  The whole of all this time, I've continued to reach back to find where I went wrong, where it all went wrong, I couldn't let go. I didn't want to let go. I didn't know how to let go. I kept reaching back for validation or emotional trinkets from my ex and I've hated myself for it: it's not good, it's not productive, and I've only recently put a stop to that last bit of 'addiction'. It is an addiction, make noooo mistake...there is some serious biochemisty going on when you get a crumb of something from your ex. It doesn't matter if you're the dumper or the dumpee....dumpers need to relieve the guilt...and dumpees need to relieve the rejection, IMHO.
  
  So I don't know. Have I waited it out or did I push through.
  
  I simply adore the city I live in now, with its rich history, and I'm so excited that I can grow something besides cactus now. I love my house, I love all the plants and the colors my walls are painted and the warmth of the hardwood floors. It's so comfortable, and so safe. I have everything there that I need in that house, heck I never have to leave. I'm sheltering in place again.
  
  Something else is happening NOW! I'm feeling settled and a little restless at the same time. No, nooo...I'm not moving again. This is something different see. I've realized I've just been sorta of existing.... but I want to thrive now....yes thats it...I want to thrive.
  
  Maybe for me...I had to 'stew' in it, practically boil myself dead in it to get to this point.
  
  I'm not going to 'seethe' about the lost years....I've beat myself up enough to last a lifetime, I was incapable of moving beyond....dare I even entertain that I might be moving on...it's tricky...sometimes you think you are....and sometimes you're reminded you have more to do. Perhaps you need to be thriving in order to say you've moved on; not just to shelter in place forever, not just to exist, but to thrive.
  

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• 

  Acceptance - A Beautiful Thing

  • 29 Jul 2011
  • Posted by praveena.k

  It is absolutely refreshing to wake up in the morning these days with an intense feeling of peace and acceptance.
  
  Granted, the path to that has been long and hard, filled with anger, hatred, sadness, di...

  It is absolutely refreshing to wake up in the morning these days with an intense feeling of peace and acceptance.
  
  Granted, the path to that has been long and hard, filled with anger, hatred, sadness, disbelief, pretending to be okay when I really wasn’t and emotions that ranged from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in a matter of just one hour.
  
  There have been days where I thought I would never reach the end of that particular road. But I have. And its nice.
  
  Some things are just never meant to be. No matter how hard you try. No matter how hard you fight. No matter how badly you want it to be. Once that understanding hits, everything falls into place and you know for a fact that everything is going to be just fine.

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• 

  So Many Dates Now! (???)

  • 18 Apr 2011
  • Posted by Happy2BMe

  After being in a loveless and controlling marriage for 16 years, I left for "saner" pastures. I found new interests, developed new friendships and am enthusiastic about the future! My work has me "out there" and mee...

  After being in a loveless and controlling marriage for 16 years, I left for "saner" pastures. I found new interests, developed new friendships and am enthusiastic about the future! My work has me "out there" and meeting all sorts of people. I don't dress or act any differently than I did when I was married and my attitude is pretty much the same as it has always been. My friends say I need to Date Around. I am just not comfortable with such since I consider myself a one-man woman. I don't want to be aloof and secretive to the others but I want to get to know all of these interesting men! When I was younger, no one really asked me out. Now they are everywhere! How to manage w/o missing out on someone really great for me?

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• 

  Needing Closure

  • 21 Feb 2011
  • Posted by shefin73

  
  We started seeing each other November, 2009. At the beginning we didn’t move things to fast, he had just left his wife of 15 years because he found out she had an affair for a year with her best friends hu...

  
  We started seeing each other November, 2009. At the beginning we didn’t move things to fast, he had just left his wife of 15 years because he found out she had an affair for a year with her best friends husband. Plus, a month before that she told him that she had been embezzling money from the company she worked for, for the past 2 years. He was pretty devastated to say the least! After about 5 months of us seeing each other he started to tell me he loved me, and of course I was already in love with him. He needed me, I was the only one that was there for him finically and someone to open his feelings up to and be himself. He told me all the time I was his best friend and he never wanted to be with out me in his life. So while the whole divorce process was going on, we went through a lot together. His soon to be ex, put him through a lot and was not letting up. She was always being very controlling and manipulative. The times I had been insure in the relationship, I would ask him if he would ever go back to her. His answer was always no, he would say what she did was unforgiveable. So finally, after the first of the year 2011 progress was being made in the divorce. He was set to go by and sign the final decree on Feb 13, 2011 and that he did. But when I spoke to him afterwards, there was something different about him. He was telling me that they had been together for so long….so I asked if he was thinking about going back to her. He told me he didn’t know, he wasn’t sure if things would work out for us or if they could work out for him and his wife. I was getting conflicting answers from him for 2 days! Then I get an email from her, telling me they are working out the marriage and he has been told not to contact me. I was devastated, he and I were together for a year and three months and this is really how it’s going to end. He didn’t have the decency to tell me himself, I had to hear it from her. I have tried to reach out to him, for answers but my email and phone number has been blocked. I just can’t understand how….I could be someone’s best friend one day and the next don’t mean a thing to them?
  

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• 

  Achieving my inner peace

  • 07 Nov 2010
  • Posted by paige9603

  I'm happy to say that I am over my ex-boyfriend. The anger that I once harbored for him giving me trust issues has dissipated. Sure, I wont be ready for a relationship anytime soon but I'm okay with that. I need a b...

  I'm happy to say that I am over my ex-boyfriend. The anger that I once harbored for him giving me trust issues has dissipated. Sure, I wont be ready for a relationship anytime soon but I'm okay with that. I need a break from guys.
  
  At first, I thought i could just casually date guys since I wasn't ready for anything official. Now, I learned that I don't like to date around, even if its just dinner with a potential suitor. I dont enjoy going on casual dates with multiple guys unless I truly want to be in a monogamous relationship with him. It puts too much strain on me. I dont mind taking a break from guys or even choosing one guy to date casually. I'm young, only 19 years old. I like to think I'm mature for my age and I know through heartbreak what I want for myself. I want the next relationship to last, really mean something. So, I'm going to enjoy life/college, continue to surround myself with my amazing friends, and embrace everything wholeheartedly.
  
  On a sidenote, I heard from a friend that my ex-boyfriend has gone downhill since I broke up with him. He no longer talks to friends and has become a recluse. Before I was over him, I would have found pleasure knowing that he's getting his "just desserts" for treating me so badly. Now, I just feel sorry for him. I know I can no longer be friends with him and I'm okay with that.
  
  I'm ready to leave that part of my life in the past and explore my new options with open eyes :)

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• 

  Why

  • 28 Oct 2010
  • Posted by MarciJ

  When I initially met him we were just teens. The day he met me he wanted to be "together." I was already with someone so I said no. However, we stayed in touch. Seems now, I just kept him around. I enjoyed bein...

  When I initially met him we were just teens. The day he met me he wanted to be "together." I was already with someone so I said no. However, we stayed in touch. Seems now, I just kept him around. I enjoyed being with him. Truly. Anytime my ex and I were on the outs he was always around. It was a friends with benefits sort of deal I guess. We could talk, joke, spend time, gaze at the stars, etc. After a while, we parted ways. I would think of him....often, but dismissed it. A year or so later he contacted me. How, I don't know. I'd had my number changed, I'd moved. (this would soon happen often) When we connected I was cautious and kept it simple...spend time, not see each other for a while, hook up...etc. This went on for about a year, then he disappeared. I tried to contact him several times then I found out that he was with someone and shortly after married with children. I figured I couldn't be upset, because of how I was when we met. So the feelings I had, I dismissed them as I typically did/do. Years passed and one day I get a call and then several calls. (Again, all my info had changed.) I kept it to conversation only, because after all he was married. A year later I seen him and by this time he'd had the first child. We talked again and he asked if I would have married him...I told him yes. Years passed again...he found me again. We talked briefly and then nothing. Years passed again...he found me again. (This went on often.) How and why he was able and wanted to contact me over the years is confusing. So, we fast forward through the mis-connect/connect. He shows up at my door and is akin to a leech! I dumb-founded. Eventually we start to chat and chatting turned to a night of 'relations.' For a few months we chatted on and off. I always found a reason to be busy. He didn't stop calling. Finally, I started to talk with him on a regular basis and then everyday. After a while he was at my house at least four nights a week. During the entire time he was still married, but separated for the past 2+ yrs. He'd been laid off too. 75% of my time outside of work was spent with him after a while. There was nothing that we didn't do. Even with him being unemployed at the time, he found ways to treat me to the movies or cocktails. He spent time with my co-workers, friends, and family. PDAs were constant in front of anyone. He talked of having children with me, our future, etc. I let my guard down and embraced him unconditionally...I felt comfortable and complete with him. We could spend time alone or with guests. We talked about everything under the sun. We exposed secrets, wants, and wishes. Finally, I told him how I felt about him. His response...I'm not ready, I can't provide for you, I can't do it. However, he continued "being" with me as he always did and foolishly I accepted it. Months pass and I, yes I, got him a job. He stopped coming over, he stopped calling, he stopped responding....he just stopped all communication. I'd fallen 'in' love with him...I feel like a part of me is missing. I'm nearly 40 now and somehow I still thought this was it, I thought I would finally have children, I thought he was the one, I thought..... I'm hurt, but embarrassed of it because of my age. However, I've never been in love before until now, until him. I'm a logical person and I can't make logic of the situation or this empty feeling that I have. I pray about it and yet I still hold onto this emptiness. I miss his smell, his presence, his voice. I have a hard time at work, with family, with friends....I've never in my life felt like this and I need to Bounce Back!

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• 

  kyle my boy

  • 03 Oct 2010
  • Posted by bbear

  my breakup was with kyle he was everything to me we went out for 2 years and then he broke up with me because he thought i hated him so the next year i told him i didnt hate him he said he hated me so i moved on. i ...

  my breakup was with kyle he was everything to me we went out for 2 years and then he broke up with me because he thought i hated him so the next year i told him i didnt hate him he said he hated me so i moved on. i tried to have a relationship like the one i had with kyle but it never worked out. many poeple tried blind dates and setting me up at proms but it didnt work. im much oldedr now but still i miss him. i might try to get him back a gain. so well thats my story bye

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• 

  Still moving forward! But I have a full tank of gas BABY!

  • 24 Aug 2010
  • Posted by broken mantra

  So i'm still kind of moving forward. Pretty much moving away from the phase of my life where i had a disorder and didn't know it.
  I'm still in therapy and on medication and i'm doing nothing but surrounding ...

  So i'm still kind of moving forward. Pretty much moving away from the phase of my life where i had a disorder and didn't know it.
  I'm still in therapy and on medication and i'm doing nothing but surrounding myself with positive people and enjoying life.
  the best advise i could ever give is to live your life one day at a time, but NEVER take tomorrow for granted.
  I haven't ever been this happy and it's a beautiful feeling. I'm so excited to actually finally begin my lifes journey 23 years too late!

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