Different kind of story 19 Jul 2012 | Posted by KSKO	19 Jul 2012 03:07 PM
	A different kind of love story: At the age of 48 I find myself reliving a pain from 30yrs ago from a man I loved & love now. At 12 yrs old I met a wonderful 18 yr man. We dated for the next 8 yrs. Of course there were some issues along the way but, we loved each other. We gave each other everything. At the point where this relationship took a drastic turn he thought we were growing apart, even though we talked about marriage. He worked in a bar as a bouncer part time & I often went there to visit him & be with friends. He had a best “guy” friend & his girlfriend that we hung out with. They were all the same age so I was the “baby” of the group. I didn’t know the best friend & girlfriend broke up & she was talking to my boyfriend. One night she shows up at the bar where he worked. After about an hour my boyfriend told me to go home. He told me this three times – eyes were as cold as ice. He told me he would call me in the morning. I begged him to let me stay. I knew in my heart what he was going to do. I left. The next morning when he didn’t call by 9 like normal, I went by his full time job & there was her car, hidden in the back. I drove straight to his apartment. Knocked on the door & his roommate let me in. His roommate said he wanted nothing to do with what was going to happen. I opened the door to his bedroom & there they were, naked in bed. He was startled and told me to leave, she waved and smiled at me, he pulled her in close to him (protecting her – he always said he would protect me). I waited for him to come out, I wanted to speak to her, she told me that I wasn’t good enough for him & she was a better woman than me. I left the apartment when he pulled away from me. Hysterically crying, I drove home. I healed over the next two years from that experience, forgiving him. I met a man and fell in love. My ex married that bitch and had a child together. I married, had two children & a wonderful life. During this time I ran into my ex once or twice. I found out that they had divorced. She was abusive to him. My husband suddenly passed away at age 50. We were together for 26.5 years, married 24. He was my life. Not quite a year after my husband passed, I received a card in the mail from my ex. He had heard about my husband and wanted to pass along his sympathies. He also wanted to know if I would like to meet for lunch and catch up. I called him and made arrangements to meet. I was nervous, but yet excited. We met and talked in the restaurant for 4.5 hours. I agreed to see him again the following week. We talked and talked but never about the past. It’s now a year of “dating”. A few times I have lost it with questions concerning the past. He has apologized repeatedly saying he made the worst mistake of his life that day. He regretted it every day after. Claims the only good thing to come out of it was his daughter. Now, I’m preparing to go on vacation with my sons without my bf. The thought of leaving him alone scares the hell out of me…. I have relived that morning over and over every day for a month. I have full blown panic attacks. How can I get through this???? I do love him, trust him a little. Any advice??