|spent 09 Aug 2011 | Posted by||09 Aug 2011 10:08 PM|
|Was in a 12 year relationship 2 kids, family business, friends, family all got along-even shared the holidays. Over the years my ex refused to spend any time with me. Started racking up the credit card (8000-20,000month for 2 years) plus regular expenses such as nice trips, undercut me with the kids, broke commitments. We did the therapy thing for a year or two but the agreements made there with her broke as fast as they were created. I found a book "To Good to Leave to Bad to Stay' and realized I was unhappy more than 10 % of the time. Called a lawyer who said I need to get her off square one since she was happy to spend an hour in therapy a week and continue her BS. The lawyer said tell her its over and she has to leave. If that fails call the cops. Well cops show up, (3 cruisers 6 female cops) and my ex says I hit her runs to grab the 8 year old - intimidates her into tears convinces her to say daddy hit mommy. Following the "profile" of abused women the cops take me to jail. Before I get in front of a judge (2 hours) my ex is standing in front of judge with a free womens legal advocate saying how awful I was. The state prosecutes me (never been arrested in my life) and I end up on probation for 6 months. Well my ex decides we should keep the business and work it out. By then it sounded pretty good to me. She signs an agreement and then defaults. Still wanting to avoid courts and lawyers decide if we both sign irrevocable trusts leaving all to kids then it must hold up and she is nailed once and for all. Well wrong again. Fourteen visits to court and 250,000 in legal fees the trusts she signed are tossed. Seems the judge feels they replace his power as a judge - though my ex had independent legal rep to create them and we had joint legal rep agreement to create them too with lots of witnesses and even chair of the American Bar Assoc. Committe on wills and trusts who wrote them...No matter, my ex says she will give up her custody claim in exchange for the business (that my familly created over 100 years of hard work and good will). Ok I say fine lets just end this its been 6 years of your attacks and lies. So back in front of a judge with our signed divorce agreement. Gee guess what? Three weeks later she files a complaint over the kids.
By now, kids have been with me for 6 years while she has largely been MIA- even forgot one of their birthdays last year.
If you are a man reading this, know that women have the courts, social workers, and finances backed by the government to destroy you. The Violence Against Womens Act recently passed makes it even worse. She has tried to turn my kids against me and did so with one child but failed with the other. Easy to bribe a kid with money and lack of rules. By state law both parents should tale a class on divorce and kids. No problem- she is a woman and never took it....I learned never to bad mouth her to the kids. She did not.
Yes there are violent men, but dont stereotype men . Our society forces them into child support payments they cant realistically meet. Makes them criminals. How many folks know that there are more unemployed men today than women ? The list of stats go on and on and the ability for men to tell there story or have the same rights and protection in the USA as women are just not there. Women and men both bleed red, have flesh and bones and love their children the same as their mothers do. Sure some societies in the world bury women up to their necks and have the village turn out and toss stones at them. (Kinda wish mine did that for me today.)
It's been said the housing industry is the lobby behind the inequality in family courts. Wouldnt be surprised if this is true. Someday the
Bar Association, (the club above the court) and all the greedy men and women who support the perpetuation of the family court unjustice system will get theirs. As the economy crashes I sit back and laugh. There are so many empty homes and they continue to measure economic health by new housing starts...
As for me, well I still have one child, I live in a house barely one 5th the value of my ex,
struggle to pay her off - yes I got stuck with child support (instead of alimony) as part of the settlement.
I am still happy to drop off the kids for periodic visitations there because every time I drive away I get to pretend I am leaving her over and over again.
|19 Aug 2011 | Posted by InDueTime||19 Aug 2011 11:53 PM|
|You're situation sounds very similar to mine but I'm the ex-wife. I have to disagree with what you said about the courts. I was the primary care giver AND the bread winner in our marriage. When I finally had enough and asked for a divorce, he claimed he had no income. We also had a family business that he ran to the ground expecting spousal support. Long story short. The courts|
|20 Aug 2011 | Posted by InDueTime||20 Aug 2011 12:00 AM|
|submitted my reply by accident.
The courts ordered me to pay him child support (we have 2 kids) even though we had 50/50 custody. He has never been a "father" to our kids but yet, I cannot get the courts to change custody. He has been careless with them an has put them in potential danger many times, but until one of them is physically hurt, there is nothing I can do. So please do not say that the court favor the mom. There are dad's out there that should not have custody of their kids. He uses them to get back at me for leaving and he bad mouths me constantly to our kids (both under the age of 9)!
|20 Aug 2011 | Posted by||20 Aug 2011 11:09 AM|
|Certainly dont want to stereotype and regret sounding that way. Yes bad moms and dads
everywhere. Just to say the general scheme of things supports women making it harder for the guy.
Did you check to see if he is running customers and vendors under another company name ? Cash paying customers ?
If he robbed the company and runs it under another name he can get into some pretty hot water.
The social workers are an expensive proposition and dangerous bunch.
Keep track of hazardous situations, LOG, LOG, LOG. I have written records and photos of my daughters bruises and witness acts of my ex out of control drunk in local bars when she was suposed to be home supervising a sleepover with a 12 and a 13 year old...who ended up alone....lots of bad stuff. I never used my logs but had them just in case.
With numb nuts, he will get bored and slip up with his time schedule. Just slowly grab more and more time. Track it on a calendar. So, if its 50/50 for you now in a few years you maybe can get an accumulated time of say 60/40 or better...Keeping very close track of times they are in school,and with you- post on excell do pie chart. That's powerful stuff for a judge. Also it will it be interesting for you to make sure you are getting 50/50. If he is slipping -when and where. Like if he has to do certain things at certain times maybe try to grab extra time. Dont let on you are keeping close track of time. Instead just be nice nice nice. Lets bury the hatchet kinda talk. If you need to give him a bit of "extra time" to seem benevolent with it do so. Your time log will show you exactly how much capitol you got to play with. Lure him into a sense of complacency.
Also run another log of stuff you did with the kids when they are with you. A pad next to your bed at night, write 3-5 sentences. this is needed to support the time log.
The kids are the real prize not the money stuff.
The younger the kids at divorce the better for them psychologically. Just keep reinforcing "safety first" message. Let them know what the dangers are and that if you have your health you have everything.
Teach them to help themselves as best you can.
Bad mouthing a parent is real bad news. My teen got so twisted up. Avoid it. They say that some day it really comes back to hurt the kid who end up mad at the parent who bad mouthed. Who knows. Also read that Dads who have teen sons at divorce time will always have to endure abuse if they want a relationship with the son. Now that my son is 19, I read on facebook he is engaged ( I am not his friend but know how to see it). His fiancé posts all the gold digger stuff and I see him setting a path life just like mine. Tragic.)
|26 Aug 2011 | Posted by InDueTime||26 Aug 2011 07:11 PM|
|I do keep "notes" on everything. It is a very exhausting exercise.
I just hope that the courts will begin to see that it is in the best interest of the children to be with me and less (much less) time with him.
I have also heard from people from divorced families, that when they grew up, they realized who the "good" parent was and that all the bad mouthing and manipulation ends up backfiring on the parent doing all those things.
All I want is for my children to be alright and have healthy relationships when they grow up.
|26 Aug 2011 | Posted by cooked||26 Aug 2011 08:13 PM|
|The courts stink. It's a coin toss and a misstake to think of justice there. Best bet is to play him nice. Be liberal and flexible while slowly grabbing more and more time.
In 4-5 years you should have a stronger case. I plan trips- grab a day to pack or to travel here or there. Do dr. & dentist apts eye dr etc and try to spill those out too . If he notices be conciliatory grant him time (try for less). Much easier to fool him over time than it is to convince a court. I never got the chance to show my logs. Time or activity ones. Yes- big pain to keep them.
But when the day comes and some one in a black robe is judging your life he won't have anything to back arguments. Try to avoid giving them to judge. Best to have a lawyer the judge trusts. Judge won't read the stuff and it can come back to haunt you.
|16 Aug 2012 | Posted by oregondeb||16 Aug 2012 07:06 PM|
|I hope your life has improved much since you last posted this!|