|I Dated A Sociopath - help 17 Jul 2010 | Posted by Steph29||17 Jul 2010 12:07 PM|
|Hi, I'm trying to find someone who's been through the same thing as me and can share their story and help me. I have been in an emotional and intermittent physical relationship for 1 1/2 years with someone who lived overseas - he told me he was in love with me and moved in with me finally two weeks ago. Within two weeks I found out he is still married and when I went out of town for 3 days he had already found a new woman, spent the weekend I was gone with her, and stayed out all night the night I returned to our apartment. He proceeded to blame everything on me, telling me I was asking too many questions, and that he had been on a quest for my approval for the whole relationship and would do anything, including convincing himself he loved me, to get my approval. From all my reading, I believe he is a sociopath and would like to know if anyone else has been through this. I just want to be done with this and move on, since he can't love and I can, but I'm struggling with wrapping my head around something this crazy. If you can help, please let me know - thanks!|
|29 Jul 2010 | Posted by martikis||29 Jul 2010 08:27 AM|
|I haven't reading about sociopath..but your story caugh my attention because Is kind of mine..I have been dating this guy for 17 months( he is a military and we met on a date site)he finally asked to move with him 3 weeks ago and we have the plans to get marry 2 weeks after that.. but a week after I moved with him I found out he have dating another girl for months!! in different State and averytime he is out of town from work he took her because she is in the Army too!! but that is not enough he have lunch and dinner with all his ex girlfriends and more than that..Im in shock,devastated and in a difficult situation because I don't have family here and I left my job.and he still denied everything and I have proof in my hands..he also sometimes act like nothing happened.and that drive me more crazy..he still thinking that we r going to get marry!! Im affraid of him to be honest right now.Im reading a lot and trying to find answers!!|
|27 Sep 2010 | Posted by Steph29||27 Sep 2010 09:17 AM|
|Let me tell you from first hand experience - if you are feeling like something isn't right, then it probably isn't. Do some looking into things - the red flags CANNOT be ignored if in fact you're dealing with someone like this. What I've learned is that sociopath/narcissistic relationships start really fast, very intense feelings, and they usually tell you you're their "soulmate" or the "Perfect fit". They move fast to move in with you, they ask you to make big changes in your life (and you do, which isn't normal for you) - and as soon as they get bored, they move on to another "supply" since that's how they view people. These people are not to be taken lightly and I can't say if your guy has these personality disorders, but I can only say you should really do some reading on sociopaths/narcissists and if the characteristics add up, you'll know what you're dealing with (yes what, not who) and you will know to run in the other direction.|
|27 Sep 2010 | Posted by Steph29||27 Sep 2010 09:20 AM|
|Sorry, one more thought - DO NOT marry this guy until you have researched enough and know exactly who you're dealing with. Do a background check if you need to be certain. He could be living double lives and you don't want to get entangled in that. PS my sociopath was also at one point in the military - personality disorder or not, it certainly made it easier for him to have to "be in other places", leave town for a while, or not be able to place calls - when in reality he was living his other life.|
|12 Dec 2010 | Posted by||12 Dec 2010 03:45 PM|
|I agree with the person who posted before me that if you think something is wrong, it really is! I too dated a sociopath for 2 years (I really don't know why I stayed so long!!). I was ignoring all the red flags. Whenever something went wrong he blamed it completely on me and convinced me that it was all my fault and I had issues that is making the relation difficult. ALl this time he was actually having 'fun' with me and he had another woman kept with all the TLC back in India whom he would eventually marry. He was just using me for his physical pleasure and using my money for travel etc, using my help for professional development and so on. I kept hanging on to the relation thinking we were going to be married. It was also easy for him to use me because he knew I had practically no family support. Right before he graduated, it was time for him to marry. SO he made up a situation and again blamed me for making things go wrong and broke off with me. Four months later he is engaged and married and then I find out this woman existed all along and even knew about me! Then they start posting all the pics of their dates/wedding for my 'viewing pleasure'. It seems he wasn't just done with me, but he and his wife was making sure I suffer after the breakup! I really wish I had responded to all the red flags and responded immediately. Always remember that never ignore any flaws in guys, they will never ignore any of your flaws.|
|12 Dec 2010 | Posted by||12 Dec 2010 03:51 PM|
|Forgot to add that 1 month before his wedding he went and met up with a friend of mine and told her that I broke the relation and how I dumped him. She really belived that he was hurting. A month later he posts his engagement pics on the web! A day before his wedding he sends me an email that he 'tried everything to make the relation work, but I didn't want it'. And that I am the love of his life and the woman he is marrying is only his wife (=baby producing machine??). Right after the wedding they start posting the pictures in open albums knowing fully well that I will get to see them. And then of course I found out that he had known this woman since his college days and always knew he would marry her. He was probably having his extended bachelor party with me till his wife was ready to join him here in US from India.|
|10 Mar 2011 | Posted by MZubey||10 Mar 2011 12:07 AM|
|This post caught my eye. My advice is to run the other way. I realize this an old post...but the more you stay with a person like that... the lower your self esteem and perhaps feel as if youre going crazy as well.
My ex-husband was wonderful.. a great listener, friend, lover, and secure...when we were dating. He was different....then he told me he is bipolar and ADHD. By this time I was in love. He always took his meds and saw a therapist regularly. AFter 8 months of dating we were engaged. Started living together 8 months after we were engaged and married after another 8 months of living together. I thought we did all the right steps...therapy to get to know one another and adjust to his disorders and he to adjust to my teen children. It funny how people say the women nag and become awful wives after marriage, but I felt he just changed drastically after we married. It was like he hated I shared my love and closeness to my children (all moved away) to the point he would not eat with us (he said my middle son chewed his food loudly). i was torn. and he isolated himself in his sanctuary (office at home- works as a linux system operator). I found porno..love letters to old gfs (within a month of the marriage). I began doubting myself... feeling sorry and depressed. I started to believe him at one point that it was me. thats how low I had felt about myself. He began to get violent and setting rules that my children could not call after 10pm. But his sister would call at 2am for silly things or his female friends texted at all hours. We went to a bed and breakfast for valentines weekend in 2010...the picture I took of us...he looks void..the smile was fake and the eyes empty. The breaking point was when he slammed the door on my hand ...he was angry that my son called at 9:55 pm on mothers day. I left...but even then I thought we would be ok. Now I see it was the best thing...i literally was not myself. I cried...even said sorry for arguing. But you know what...it was an awful roller coaster ride....and I got off....you can too.
|10 Mar 2011 | Posted by LynnZavaro||10 Mar 2011 05:30 PM|
|Have you read this article on Bounceback:
Are You Dating Someone Charlie Sheen Crazy? Helpful advice for dealing with "crazymakers"!
|10 Mar 2011 | Posted by BrokenHeart33||10 Mar 2011 05:34 PM|
|I don't know that my ex had actual personality disorders but she would certainly fly off the handle in a Jekyll and Hyde kind of way. Out of nowhere, from happy to sad, from pleased to mad. I wonder if there was something going on there?
Thanks for the article recommendation - I'll check it out.
|23 Nov 2012 | Posted by Alba13||23 Nov 2012 07:39 PM|
|I was in a relationship with a sociopath for four years. I too ignored red flags. Sociopaths wouldn't be what they are without their exceptional skill of manipulation.
I didn't get out of the relationship soon enough. I have a child with this sociopath.
This sociopath cheated on me the entire time we dated. The ENTIRE four years. The worst was when I got pregnant with our second child and he convinced me to have an abortion so we could work on our relationship. (This was after the I found out about the first affair just a month before but the flood gate of other women hadn't yet opened) We went to Vegas. I had the abortion. We drove back home Sunday. According to a receipt he went and saw his hairstylist Andrea Nelson on Monday the following week. Later on I learned he had an affair with her and was trying to convince her to stay with him and that he would be through with me soon enough. His affairs were just one thing. He also had a substance abuse problem with alcohol which is actually a symptom of sociopathy. He also had conduct disorder as a child. He flooded his mother's home (some sociopaths will set intentional fires), he robbed convenient stores as a teenager, engaged in promiscous sex with other boys as a pre teen (going well beyond the boundaries of normal experimentation when he forced these boys beyond their limitations.) He was popping prescription pills by 2nd grade. And he wrote in his journal that he enjoyed doing the wrong things and getting away with it. He admitted in his journal that he would often pick fights on purpose, punish me with chores and duties by neglecting his own responsibilites to the point where I had t o complete his in order to complete my own. He used his mother's terminal illness as an excuse for "cancellations" on dates when he was truly with another woman. The list goes on. These people cannot be cured. They are missing essential connections synapses from birth. Aside from a brain transplant they will never have a normal healthy connection with another human being. Read up on on Anti Social Personality Disorder and if your friend or partners meets components of those symptoms GET OUT NOW.
|14 Jan 2013 | Posted by tjom15||14 Jan 2013 03:51 PM|
|you hit the nail on the head, I was with women for six months as you stated things moved very quikly but i always had this feeling somthing wasnt right "red Flagges" so ignored them as time went on it seems that that relationship took a roll of phycological abuse.changing the rules as she pleased i
and im a pleaser so was constantly try to please as she was doing the oppisit,after the break up i was devistated. I found out later she has narcissistic personality disorder. doing this to other men she has trail men behind her which she is still contact with but thats besides the piont. THe piont is like you said red flagges educate your self and thies people can be dangerouse to your health ,emotions ,and your futur dating game! and they will hurt you and not blink an eye doing so! educate your self!