Our friends. Some would say they are the most important people in our lives. They are the ones we stay in the closest contact with, whether it is texting the entire day, e-mailing while at work, or setting up that once a week phone date just to stay in touch. They are also the ones we spend all of our free time with: Dinners, movies, bars, you name it. Our friends are always by our side. So the...

Our friends. Some would say they are the most important people in our lives. They are the ones we stay in the closest contact with, whether it is texting the entire day, e-mailing while at work, or setting up that once a week phone date just to stay in touch. They are also the ones we spend all of our free time with: Dinners, movies, bars, you name it. Our friends are always by our side. So there is no doubt that we value or friendships…but do we value their opinion?

I know someone who listens to their best friend’s opinion on everything. Where to get the best sushi, which movies are worth the money to go see, even which brand of laundry detergent works the best. She listens to all of her best friend’s advice, except when it comes to love.
They say an outsider really has no idea what goes on in a relationship, and I believe some of that to be true. But I also feel that when we are in love, we are somewhat blind to the problems that seem so obvious to people on the outside.

So, the question is, how important is a friends opinion when it comes to our own relationships?

We know these people are only there for our best interest, so why do we sometimes push them away and cancel out their judgment? Perhaps it is because we do not want to believe the truth. We may know there are problems, but we choose to ignore our friend’s advice, saying things like “you don’t know him like I do” or “when it’s just her and I, things are great”.

These may all be true, but do you really want to date someone that your friend thinks is wrong for you? This same friend who you trust with every single life-altering decision. I mean, they told you their laundry secret for crying out loud. A friend may see that your partner has a wandering eye, or speaks down to you, or even is cheating on you flat out. Wouldn’t you want to know these things?

As the friend, we need to be respectful of a relationship that we are not in. Do not attack or jump in too aggressively. This will just leave an ugly situation where they feel threatened and ganged-up on. Sit them down and instead of an intervention, have an interfriendtion.

An interfriendtion may be a good idea, although a common argument friends have, especially if the advice-giver is single, is that those in the bad relationships will think they are jealous. This is when the big guns come out and we say things we truly do not mean. “You’re just mad I spend all my time with him…I’m sorry that you’re single and I’m in love”. We know this is not the case, but it somehow makes us feel less vulnerable to advice we just don’t want to hear.

I believe that an outside opinion means so much, especially if it is coming from my best friend. Would I take their advice and judgments to heart and instantly break-up with my significant other? Probably not. But I would definitely listen to everything they have to say and really evaluate my relationship.

Listen to those who love you, because they really are only out for your best interest.

To read more from James, visit his blog Fatal Abstraction.