Now, don’t get too excited by this title. We’re not saying we want you all to try to get your ex back – your ex is your ex for a reason, and you should take a minute to separate yourself from the situation, step back and look at things objectively, including yourself, before trying to force something or fix something back to the way it was – you may realize it really wasn’t meant to b...

Now, don’t get too excited by this title. We’re not saying we want you all to try to get your ex back – your ex is your ex for a reason, and you should take a minute to separate yourself from the situation, step back and look at things objectively, including yourself, before trying to force something or fix something back to the way it was – you may realize it really wasn’t meant to be.

But the reality is, after many breakups and even divorces, the heartbroken person will commit to making it a sometimes lifelong, many times too-long goal to get the ex back. Partially because of a desire to control, partially achievement, partially pride, partially wanting it to work out because it was SUPPOSED TO!, and partially true feelings of wanting to be with this person.

So, if you find yourself in that spot of wanting your ex back, we understand and feel your pain. But, if you are even thinking of succeeding, you’ve got to play your cards right – and carefully – or else you’ll be sure to push your ex even further away, to uphold or even assert their decision to breakup with you in the first place, and definitely to hurt your image and reputation as the ‘crazy ex’ – and we know you’re not that.

For example, here are just a few specific behaviors and actions that will be certain to have your ex running for the hills:

- Cry. Crying is acceptable when you’re IN the relationship, but once it’s technically over, all it does is remind him what he won’t have to deal with anymore and assure him he did the right thing. (This also includes yelling and screaming, acting crazy, begging, etc.)
- Keep calling, and calling…and texting…and calling…and driving by his house…and Facebook stalking…you get the picture.
- Try to use sex to tempt him to come back. First, this won’t work as sex is not the only answer to a happy relationship. Second, this definitely won’t work because he could take you up on the offer but there’s no guarantee he’ll stick around.
- Tell him that you love him, and you’ll love him forever, and you’ll never love anyone else as much as you love him. While this might boost his ego, it adds pressure and doesn’t make you look that independent or attractive. Certainly won’t make him worry that you’ll run off with someone cooler than him anytime soon.
- Promise that you’ll change, if he’ll only come back and give you one more chance. Unless your breakup was about a very specific behavior that you really should be changing, you shouldn’t be compromising yourself in this way.

Acting on emotions is not ideal or rational and will probably make a fool out of you. Being attractive is about confidence, and letting your emotions get the best of you decreases that confidence and therefore your attractiveness. Guys especially don’t want drama, control, or neediness, so the key is keeping that confidence. Give them space, catch them by surprise by not caring and calling all the time – you’ll make them think more about you by not acting than by acting. Don’t be jealous, give him space, relax and let emotions subside, let things happen and play out, don’t try to control what you can’t. Don’t stoop low and try to make them jealous.

The saying goes, if it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it… but if it IS broke, then trying isn’t going to get you anywhere. You don’t want to be in a relationship you convinced someone to be in with you. You want them to be there because they want to. Right? Not to mention they won’t feel like they made the decision on their own, which will ultimately create feelings of neediness and or weakness. He wants to “win” you, not the other way around.

It’s a win-win situation – you get to keep your dignity AND you increase, not decrease your chances of getting another chance with your ex – imagine that. Be classy. Be cool. Have other things going on. It’s driving you crazy that you’re no longer the center of your ex’s world – so don’t you think it will drive them crazy as well if they’re no longer the center of yours? If you don’t know, the answer is yes. And frankly, if it doesn’t, then your chances of getting them back (and the chances that they’re right for you anyway) aren’t good. You haven’t wasted any time and you can move on and find the person who will fight for you.

If you avoid the “don’ts” above and follow this advice, you’ll be reducing the amount of highly emotional activity in your life, which will most likely allow you to step back and see the past relationship objectively. Make the right decision and don’t let your emotional side take over your rational one – you might just realize you don’t want your ex back after all.